Sunday, 20 November 2022

Listen Closely (Wizard School: The Secretist)


Dispater, the Lord of the Iron City of Dis, is unshakeably convinced that every devil in Hell is out to get him. 

He’s completely correct. 

He can’t trust other devils. At all. First, most of them reside in Dis, and he is the one they have to be rid of to secure promotion. Second, he is the justice of Asmodeus, the judge of Hell. When a devil is punished and demoted, most often he signs the order. The built-up hatred for him across aeons is incalculable. Wizards have found demiplanes forged purely from the hate that exists for Dispater. 

He hides away in his Iron Tower (of subjectively infinite height) and operates a dense network of spies, secret police, propagandists, hell-cops and deniable mercenary groups, desperately clinging to power. He needs agents. And he can’t trust other devils. As it stands, most report to his scribe, Titivilus, instead of him. 

But Dispater has seen deep into the mortal soul. He owns millions of them. He knows the ways they act, the things they want - and, so… better the devil you know? 

Class as per your Favourite Wizard Chassis (Here’s Mine

Starting Equipment: Unremarkable clothing, light pistol, 20 shot and powder, light knife, dose of cyan poison (d10), Green steel mimir, two pieces of Secretist Gear

Perk: Your green steel mimir, beyond containing 10 Psyche Slots, also has access to the personnel files of Hell. Almost every creature of note anywhere has a file. 

Drawback: You need to fill out a report to Dispater and submit it to your mimir once a week. If you fail to do this, your MD only return to your pool on a roll of 1 until you do. Having a lie in your report discovered causes an immediate Doom


  • You have six fake faces stored in a tiny, airless demiplane, and can trade yours out for any of them with a fingersnap. You decide what your fake faces look like.

  • You can become (literally) invisible in a crowd. 

  • You can produce a small flaming sigil in the air, which serves as your Secretist badge. Devils are loath to impede a Secretist about their work (although, loath does not mean totally unwilling.) 


  1. Charm Person

Target creature of [dice]HD or less treats you as a friendly acquaintance for [sum] hours. If you do something a friendly acquaintance really wouldn’t - call them a severely rude name, rob them, shit on their floor - they can save to end the effect. Dealing any damage to them ends the effect automatically. Casting this on yourself cheers you up and banishes intrusive thoughts. 

  1. Invisibility

Target creature, or target object [dice] slots or smaller, becomes unseeable by normal senses for [dice] hours.

  1. Sending

Send a message of [sum] words to someone you are familiar with. The words are spoken into their ear, and they may respond with [dice] words of their own.

  1. Speak with Vermin 

For [sum] hours, you can communicate with rats, bats, bugs, small snakes, foxes, raccoons, jackals, pigeons, etc. You may compel from them [dice] favours. Answering a question is a favour. 

  1. Eavesdrop 

You enchant an object of [dice] slots or smaller, allowing you to hear from it as though it was your ear for [sum] hours. 

  1. Dull Emotions
    [dice] creatures are unable to feel emotions for [sum] hours.  

  1. Broadcast

Target a spherical area [dice] miles in diameter which is at most [sum] miles from you.  Everything in the targeted area hears a message of [sum - 3] words spoken in a low, roaring voice, echoing as though against iron. 

  1. Glyph of Fear

Inscribe a glowing symbol which, when viewed by a creature, forces them to save or be consumed by nameless terror and dread. Can terrify a total of [sum]HD of creatures, those who successfully save are not counted against the total. 

  1. Antipathy/Sympathy 

You infuse a creature or object with an intense feeling of revulsion/attraction, causing all unintelligent creatures, and intelligent creatures with less than [dice]HD, to treat the target as though it were coated in poison and shit/coated in joy, friendship and delicious, delicious cocaine. This lasts for [sum] hours. 

  1. Scrying

Choose a creature (or location) you have met or heard of. An invisible eyeball appears near to the target, observing it and the location they are in. It’s accompanied by an invisible ear that transmits sound to you.  Creatures unwilling to be observed may save to make the image blurry and you unable to hear through the Scry. If you have a body part from a target creature, they cannot save

  1. Arrest

Target creature of [dice]*2 or less HD must save or be pulled to a jail cell in Dis via a roaring interplanar portal. If the creature is wanted by the Nine Hells, they are immediately imprisoned and presumably prepared for a grim fate. Otherwise, they reappear in [sum] rounds, singed and a little beaten up, but mostly unharmed. 

  1. Idea Transfer 

You may transfer the contents of a Psyche Slot from one creature (of [dice]*2 HD or less) you can see to another (also of [dice]*2 HD or less). If either creature is unwilling, it may save, and one successful save prevents the spell from going through.  You can use this to give people your curses, steal peoples’ dreams, inject ideologies, move ideas from one person to another, pull out a friend’s phobia and inflict it on a foe, and so on. 


  1. MD only return to your pool on a roll of 1 for 24 hours. 

  2. Suffer 1d6 nonlethal damage as you accidentally tune to a blaring psychic propaganda broadcast.

  3. Accidentally project your whole head into the fake-face demiplane. Apparently headless for 1d6 rounds, save vs. oxygen deprivation and dizziness. 

  4. Become face-blind for 1d6 hours. 

  5. Swap to one of your fake faces accidentally, but do it wrong - blinded for 1d6 rounds. 

  6. Every intelligent creature within [dice] miles is made aware of your presence via blaring psychic broadcast. 


  1. Your Mission, You Must Accept It…

Dispater’s schemes include you, finally. You’re given the task to defeat and arrest an Osyluth (Bone-Devil) of some importance, in its home District of Dis. 

  1. Growing Suspicion 

A (different, hopefully) Osyluth appears from a portal. It will demand an immediate explanation for something in one of your reports and how your actions assisted the Nine Hells. Failure to satisfy it results in your MD being confiscated for a month. 

  1. Enemy of the State

Dispater turns on you. You know too much. Nine kill-teams of spell-immune Bueroza (Steel Devils) have been dispatched to mangle you severely and return your head to Dispater. They are coming within the next three days.  

You can avoid your Doom by achieving a seat in the City Conseil of Dis, by killing a Demon Lord, by becoming beyond reproach in Hell,  or by getting the single most paranoid living thing (Dispater) to trust you completely. 

Secretist Gear: 

  1. Grey Formal Wear - Precisely cut, iron grey. Not a distinctive piece of apparel at all - could easily allow the wearer to blend into bland high society in almost any place. Takes no slots worn, 1 carried.  

  2. Canesword - Sneaky medium weapon. Your choice of ruby, topaz or emerald in the hilt. 2 slots. 

  3. Brick from Dis - A full slot of grey iron from a building in Dis. Why the hell do you have this, again? A light bludgeoning weapon, for when things get uncivilised. 

  4. Propaganda Posters - A full slot. Carry pro-Nine-Hells messages like ORDER IS WORTH ANY COST, WHO STANDS AGAINST CHAOS?, WE REWARD THOSE DESERVING OF MERIT and THE UNIVERSE NEEDS YOU TO ENLIST IN THE BLOOD WAR. You are not immune to propaganda. Clearly. 

  5. Velvet Gloves - Classy, innit? Good for disguising an iron fist. 

  6. Invulnérable Justaucorps - A justaucorps coat that is, as it says on the tin, invulnérable. Conveys +1 AC and stops you from getting shanked with light knives. For medium blades and heavier, just turns the slashing damage into bludgeoning force for the same damage. Bullets still hurt, but at least they won’t get embedded in you. The coat’s invulnerable, you aren’t. 

  7. Iron Rod - 2 slots. Has a wrist loop. A decent truncheon - and also, anything you strike with it can be seen by Dispater, at least briefly. 

  8. Cheater’s Coin - A coin that, when flipped, comes up with any result you desire. Not limited to Eyes and Heads (the two sides of a Hellmark), you can also do Angels, Kings, Pilgrims, Sheep, whatever you like. 

  9. Grey Gin - Cosmic order in a bottle. So claims the label. Makes the drinker immune to mishaps (but not dooms) for an hour. And is also alcoholic. 5 doses in a 1 slot bottle. 

  10. Smoke Bomb - Disguised as a bottle of wine. Fuse can be set for up to 10 rounds. When it explodes, it  produces a massive cloud of thick smoke. The smoke lasts for an hour, or a minute in high wind. Anyone holding it when it goes off takes 1d6 damage. 

  11. Bear Grease Pomade - A thick, waxy substance made from bears. Used to style hairs and grease mechanisms. 1 Slot in a steel tin. 

  12. 5d6 Hellmarks - Nonagonal rosegold coins marked with nine Asmodean eyes. Worth double value when used as currency in the Nine Hells.

  13. Safe Gun - Looks and sounds exactly like a medium musket, except if it kills someone, they’re instead placed in a deathlike sleep for 1 day, then are healed for 1d6

  14. Really Loud Boots - Boots which, when you walk with them, make incredibly loud, echoing footsteps. Ominous! 1 Slot when carried. 

  15. Comically Evil Bat - A very litl bat who wants to do serious harm to the universe at large. Understands your words and obeys your orders, unless you help people for free, or try and save the world, then it bites you for 0.1 damage and laughs (ee ee ee). Can carry-coin sized objects. 

  16. Demonteeth Grenade - A grey iron sphere stuffed full of crawling Tanar’ric teeth. Deals 3d6 damage in a 30’ sphere, save for half, and has a 1-in-6 chance of inflicting a demonic infection (which is like cancer, but the cancer can think and hates your fucking guts). Even Devils hate these things. 

  17. Deed to a House in Dis - In one of the districts where mortals aren’t flayed or eaten on sight. Three floors, shelled in hot iron, fire-proof, water-proof, allegedly demon-proof, equipped with a damned butler who explodes if he tries to leave the building. 

  18. Blinkcatcher - As a mancatcher, but, enchantments on the catching ring prevent caught creatures from teleporting. 3 Slots. 

  19. Stunning Powder - Three doses. Creatures which breathe must save or be stunned for a round if this is thrown in their face. Flammable. 1 Slot. 

  20. A Curio!

    1. Pain Gun - As a light pistol, but you load divorce papers and passports and fire agony

    2. Lingering Memory - Fills a Psyche Slot. The shadow of a face, half-forgotten. You were somebody else, before this. Gain a Mark whenever you chase the identity of your lost self. 

    3. Advespa Egg - A black egg about the size of a (real) football. Takes up 2 slots. When soaked in a mixture of alcohol and blood, it hatches over the course of an hour into a giant 6HD wasp-devil-thing with a severe hatred for everything alive and a giant fucking stinger. 

    4. The Right Bullets - Six green steel bullets which individually have +6 to hit. There’s a 1-in-[remaining bullets] chance a shot flies where Dispater directs it, regardless of where you pointed the gun. Once Dispater's shot has been fired, the rest are yours.

    5. Cursed Beetroot Kvass - Whoever drinks it is cursed to 4d4 years of intestinal problems. One dose. Considered in poor taste. 1 slot.

    6. Deck of Mefianté Cards - An imposter version of a popular fortune-telling-card deck. Contains 54 cards, with such standouts as The Two-Headed SnakeThe Violence, The Pursuer, The Flames, The Honest Soul, and The Secretist (shows your seven faces in perfect detail).  Without fail, predicts ill fate. May well cause ill fate. 

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