Friday 9 June 2023

WHO DOES NOT UNDERSTAND? (Class: Angelologist)


Here’s a little secret tip. It’s you - you don’t understand. Walking in a straight line towards divinity doesn’t actually work. 

No Enoch are you, though someday, hopefully, you might reach your destination. 


A - Sigils, Power

B - Seeing-Stone

C - Guardian Angel

D - Two at Once


You’re familiar with the sigils and methods which will invoke angels to come to this world. 

Roll 3d12 on the list below, to see who you know. 

You can summon new angels if you find their Sigils out in the world. The list below isn’t exhaustive. 

You must inscribe a circle of chalk, salt, gold, silver or holy water. 

Angels refuse to leave their circles. By their very natures, they’re sticklers for the rules. If you suggest you might try and free them from the circle, they’ll leave immediately, or lecture you about the importance of following the instructions. 

Unlike every other player class in a Buckets of Blood game, you actually have a chance of going to Heaven when you die. 


You have [templates + 1] points of Power. When you summon an angel, choose how much Power you give to them to bring them into this world. This number is [power]. Each time you use an Angel’s abilities, the value of [power] reduces by 1. 

You have this much power, and no more. 

Most angels will keep your [power] until you next do a good deed or participate in a religious service (any faith is fine)

If you give it to an Angel and you don’t fulfil their standards, they won’t give it back until you do. It would be irresponsible of them, wouldn’t it? Like giving a child a loaded gun. 

If you fail to meet an angel’s standards, they’ll keep it indefinitely, and you’ll be fucked until you propitiate them (luckily, angels never stay angry for long. They might have a little job for you to do to patch things up). 

No angel will give Power back to a murderer. If you kill anyone, or have killed anyone, your Power is one use

Your spirits are, by and large, avuncular and/or materteral, easily-worried and invested in your safety. They have a habit of putting out your cigarettes, or vanishing alcoholic drinks while you aren’t looking - those things are bad for you, you know!

If you wanted cool spirits you should’ve gone the way of Cutty-sark or Solomon and become a demonologist. 

It’s possible, if you seek out powerful Heavenly artefacts, read the right books, or save somebody’s soul, that you might gain more Power

Seeing Stone 

With a reflective surface that isn’t metal, you can choose a location anywhere within 10^[power]km and see it as if looking through a window. The Seeing Stone shows the view until you reclaim your Power by the touch of your right hand. 

“Ten to the power of the power kilometres” is fun to say. Try it. 

Guardian Angel

You can use your power to protect people, assigning a very minor angel to hover by their shoulder. You do this by patting them on either shoulder with your right hand. You can’t use this power on yourself. 

The Angel will deflect fatal attacks, rescue them from the consequences of failed saves, shove them out of the path of a moving car, pull them out of the sea, etc, [power] times, before getting all tuckered out and having to sit down somewhere and drink a juice box. 

If it comes up, a Guardian Angel has 1HD and 6HP - (but surely it wouldn’t. 🥺)

If you meet the person again (or at least see their dead body and/or final resting place), you can choose to reclaim the Power you invested, as the Guardian Angel scoots over like a child who has found a weird bug and would like to show you it. 

Two at Once

You can now summon two angels into the same circle. They each have an individual [power] value, which is equal to however much you spent to summon them both. 

So, if you spent 5 Power, you have a total of 10 angelic boons! Wow! 

Angels react to this, broadly speaking, like a divorced couple who haven’t seen each other in ten years, on a long elevator ride together - i.e., with discomfort, awkwardness, tapping of feet, and possibly an argument that nobody would enjoy spectating. 

You have to fulfil both of their conditions to get your [Power] back. 

1d12 Angels from Heaven

  1. Shamsiel the Dominion 

An athletic, attractive man, his face and hair hidden behind branches bearing apple-tree leaves that seem to grow from the air behind his head. He wears a cream-coloured shirt, a maroon waistcoat, and maroon suit-trousers. His wings are warm, downy white, and his halo is like the dawn, casting beams of light through the leaves and branches of his head. His shoes are black, polished to reflectivity. He carries a burning longsword of pure flame in his right hand. On the same wrist is a watch with seven hands. Irritable and charming. 

Shamsiel will guard a location you direct him to for [power] hours, preventing any human from entering or passing by. He does this with persuasion and, if need be, his blade. He will always let past innocents, people fleeing danger, or people you command him to.

Shamsiel will give you [power] blessed apples that cure bacterial diseases and restore 2d6HP when bitten into. 

Shamsiel will make sure everyone you meet knows who you are for [power] days. 

Shamsiel will keep your Power if you’ve trespassed anywhere you weren’t meant to within the last month. (It ticks him off.) 

  1. Sahaquiel the Virtue 

A tall, nude, sexless figure with sky blue skin and a head made of clouds. They have four huge white wings like an albatross’, and have golden thread wound tightly round their ankles and wrists. Their halo is like sunlight. Cool, sweet ozone seems to flow from and into them, as if they’re not a person at all, but a silhouette-shaped hole to the highest part of the sky. Soft-spoken and kind. 

Sahaquiel will give you precise, sensitive and selective hearing for [power] hours, allowing you to choose exactly what you hear among all the sounds within [power]*100 metres  - hear a whisper hidden under an ambulance siren. 

Sahaquiel will, in exchange for 2 power, let you climb through them, putting you ten-thousand feet above anywhere in the world. Bring a parachute. 

Sahaquiel will cause a wind of [power + 2] on the Beaufort scale to blow through your location in a direction of your choice for [power] days. 

Sahaquiel will keep your Power if you’ve used a machine powered by fossil fuels in the last month. Riding as a passenger counts as using it. 

  1. Baraqiel the Power

A tall man, dressed like you’d expect a member of the RAF to dress, circa WW2. He has a handsome face made of some silvery metal, and hair made of flames. He hovers in the air, lounging slightly against bright, gleaming wings of golden feathers. He carries a glowing spear wrapped in black cloth covered in golden Arabic writing. Friendly and lethargic. 

Baraqiel will make anything metal on your person indestructible for [power] days. 

Baraqiel will summon a shining car of any model made before 1970, with enough fuel in it for 20*[power]km of travel. 

Baraqiel will strike [power] buildings within 100km with the most powerful of lightning, regardless of the weather. Unfortunately, many modern buildings are lightning resistant. 

Baraqiel will keep your Power if you own any guns. 

  1. Rampel the Dominion 

A large, muscular figure, as pale and well-proportioned as an unpainted classical statue. He preserves his modesty with his large, dark wings, and carries a shining silvery hammer. His halo is like the sun reflecting off of the sea. Stoic and encouraging. 

Rampel will lift any one object within 100m and place it down [power]*20 metres from where it started. He will try his best not to damage the object in question. He’s pretty proud of this gig, he’s done some famous things with it. 

Rampel will increase your strength score by [power]*2 points for 24 hours. 

Rampel will turn you into a fox, a golden eagle or a barracuda for [power] hours. 

Rampel will keep your power if you’ve ever mistreated the meek or powerless. 

  1. Bezaliel the Virtue 

A tall human figure, a silhouette of total darkness. He wears a pair of old-fashioned 3D-glasses, one plastic lens red, the other green. He has broad black wings, lightless and dotted with tiny stars. His halo, too, is darkness. He carries a book full of indecipherable symbols. He communicates in single words and expansive gestures. Timid and gentle. 

Bezaliel will place a black door with an indecipherable symbol on it anywhere within [power]*2km of the place you have summoned him. The next [power] times that door is opened, it leads to the place you summoned Bezaliel. After that, the door vanishes harmlessly. 

Bezaliel will make you invisible in darkness for [dice] hours. 

Bezaliel will make you immune to cameras of all kinds for [dice] hours. 

Bezaliel will keep your Power if you are famous in any way. 

  1. Phanuel the Seraph

A burning golden light concealed behind six lustrous red wings. Smoke pours out constantly from behind the wings, smelling like myrrh and cedar. Her halo is like lightning suspended in motion. Occasionally, she will project a form resembling a woman made of smoke with candle-flame eyes to speak with her summoners. Calm and hopeful.

Phanuel will suspend hatred, feuds or rivalries between two people or two groups for [power] days. 

Phanuel will give you immunity to fear, anxiety and despair for [power] days. 

Phanuel will render [power] explosive, flammable, poisonous or toxic objects inert and harmless. 

Phanuel will keep your Power if you have ever denied the needy charity. 

  1. Sandalphon the Principality

An incredibly tall man, at least eight feet in height, thin like a spider. In place of his head hovera a rose-gold mirror, and he is dressed in a dark blue suit, fine gloves and shiny shoes. His wings are large and umber-coloured, and his halo is soft, diffuse rosy light. He speaks never above a whisper. Reasonable and honest. 

Sandalphon will produce [power] perfect duplicates of you with 6HP each. They’re all perfectly friendly and piloted by cheerful minor angels who are just happy to be here. If their physical forms are destroyed they burst into sweet grey smoke, a flash of golden light, and a brief section of a Gregorian chant. 

Sandalphon will calm the emotions of the next [power] people or animals you gently ask to calm down. Being calmed by Sandlphon is faintly euphoric, and will probably cause a fit of giggles. 

In exchange for 2 Power, Sandalphon will change or adjust your biological sex perfectly and painlessly. 

Sandalphon will keep your Power if you haven’t donated to charity recently. He changes the definition of “recently” often to keep you from gaming it. 

  1. Raziel the Ophanim 

A portly fellow, whose head appears to be a softly spinning spiral of loose paper pages. His halo is of fuzzy lamplight. He has two soft, downy wings, like an owl’s. Besides that, a dusty brown tweed suit, with moths fluttering here and there. He carries a briefcase and a grey golf umbrella, which he’ll open for you if you summon him during inclement weather. Professorial and perceptive.

Raziel will make you forget up to [power] facts of your choosing, storing them in his briefcase. He will return them for an equal exchange in power or in good books. 

Raziel will translate up to [power]*1000 words of text from any language, even dead, obscure, or non-functional ones. 

Raziel will reveal [power] secrets kept by cruel people. 

Raziel will keep your Power if you’ve ever hurt someone by revealing a secret. 

  1. Armaros the Virtue 

A broad shouldered man with pitch black skin and no facial features, dressed in a red-and-orange hawaiian shirt, grey cargo shorts, and iron-age leather sandals. He maintains that humans don’t make good sandals anymore. Sometimes he carries a bottle of beer conspicuously marked 0% ALCOHOL. His wings are huge, dark and ragged, always discarding burnt feathers. His halo is a dull orange glow, like a sodium streetlight. You can tell he’s trying to force himself to relax. Cynical and painstakingly polite. 

Armaros will seal off [power] rooms or doors in a building, preventing anyone but you from accessing them. He’ll only do this to one building at a time. 

Armaros will end [power] spells, enchantments, curses or hauntings with a wave of his hand and the faint smell of napalm.

Armaros will produce a +[power] gun of any model, with any company logos replaced with “Army Surplus” (get it?). He’d like it back after you’ve fired it forty nine times, or within a week, whichever happens first. 

Armaros will keep your Power if you’ve never participated in politics or activism. You have to be involved, you know! PLEASE VOTE! (He’ll also keep your power if you steal one of his guns.)

  1. Zagzagel the Ophanim

A long-limbed woman wreathed in bright fire and fragrant smoke. Her skin is all the colours of sunset. She is clad in burning leaves and branches, and nothing else. Her long hair also burns, and her halo is fire. She carries a shining, reflective disk of gold. Talkative and curious. 

Zagzagel will show you a vision of the future which will happen if our course remains the same, answering [power] questions in a visual form. 

Zagzagel will totally burn up and destroy [power] slots of cursed, demonic, haunted, or vile items presented to her. 

Zagzagel will make you immune to mundane fire for [power] days. 

Zagzagel will keep your power if you’ve ever hurt or killed an animal without good reason. The only good reason, in her eyes, is if it was that or die of starvation. 

  1. Agiel the Seraph

A blazing light obscured behind lustrous black wings, orbited by a ring of floating silver spheres. The wings are covered in blinking, searching eyes with golden irises and deep white pupils. His halo is pure white light. His voice is deep, sonorous and inexplicably Welsh. He can’t stand pedants. Genius and erudite.

Agiel will instantaneously repair up to [power] electrical devices brought before him, making them better-than-new. 

Agiel will answer [power] questions accurately on engineering, science, chemistry, mathematics or lacrosse. He likes lacrosse. 

Agiel will increase your intelligence score by [power]*2 for 24 hours. 

Agiel will keep your power if you have ever mistreated someone for being less informed or intelligent than you.

  1. Wormwood

A little man wearing a green hazmat suit and a black gas-mask. He has large fine red-feathered wings, and wears heavy black boots. His halo is a ring of glowing dust. He carries an unopened bottle of absinthe (he doesn’t mind if you drink around him. It doesn’t matter too much). If you look very closely, you might be able to see his eyes through the mask - but I don’t recommend it. Soft-spoken and fatalistic. 

Wormwood will completely annihilate [power] objects presented to him by sending them back in time to the centre of Castle Bravo. This works on anything at all.

Wormwood will cause an asteroid to strike a location of your choice, causing a massive explosion [power]km in diameter. That’s a taste of things to come, buddy. 

Wormwood will transform [power] gallons of water into a vile spiritual poison that tastes and smells exactly like good absinthe. Humans drinking it must save vs. death and save vs. condemnation to Hell (separate saves). 

Wormwood won’t ever give your Power back. He needs it for the Last Judgement. 


  1. "Unlike every other player class in a Buckets of Blood game, you have a very slim chance of going to Heaven when you die." Everyone else gets a free pass straight up but you made the mistake of having the bureaucrats as your bedfellows

    1. Ah, the opposite - everyone else goes to Hell

    2. That's what Big Angel wants you to think

  2. I like how all the angels seem like nice, fairly friendly, normal people compared to their demonic counterparts, maybe a little uptight but basically human...and then you meet Wormwood.

    "And they said to the mountains and the rocks, “Fall on us and hide us from the face of the One seated on the throne, and from the wrath of the Lamb. For the great day of Their wrath has come, and who is able to withstand it?""